Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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