if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
