I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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