Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
