Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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