You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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