I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
