I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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