so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
