he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
