it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
