I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
