sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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