are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
