i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
A bitchslap is in order.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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