Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
