the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
