Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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