It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
