Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
