I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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