just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't notice because vodka
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
