Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
