The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
