just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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