I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
