I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
