im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We just shotgunned beers for America
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
