I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
