So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
