I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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