Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
