Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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