This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
