I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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