dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
