Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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