Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
love makes seman taste better
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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