Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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