you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
