Don't make out with my wife yet
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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