Swine flu. Run for my life!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
