its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
