I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
