I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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