Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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