So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
