i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
