I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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