im having a threesome with these popsicles
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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