I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
